As a single mom of 4 kids, with no family to call on for help, life can be pretty scary.
I was in an awful marriage with a verbally abusive, mean man who drained our bank account with a bad gambling habit. I was so scared of being alone and not being able to support my kids that I forgave infidelity and tried to ‘toe the line’ to make him happy—even when he decided he’d quit working and let me be the breadwinner.
One day, something inside me snapped. God gave me four wonderful babies, with the job of helping them become happy, well-adjusted people; and here I was, setting a horrible example for them, living in misery and tiptoeing around. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but with just $50 in my bank account and no assets other than a beaten-down car with an upside down loan, I filed for divorce.
He was horrible to us—he threatened me, stalked me, showed up where I work—and he never saw or called the kids. Strengthened by prayers and tears, I resolved myself that we WOULD be okay. Times were tough. We received no child support, and I now had to pay a sitter, on top of my other bills. I begged for payment extensions to keep the water on, and we went a couple weeks without electricity. We found out that the saying “you are what you eat” is definitely not true—or we’d have all taken on an orange hue to match our diet of mac & cheese. But we were making it. And more importantly, there was a new sense of peace in my house.
Hopelessness and shouting were replaced by happiness and laughing!
Every year before that, I’d let each child pick an Angel off the Salvation Army Angel tree for a child similar to them. We didn’t have a lot, even before the divorce, but I’d always thought it was important to teach generosity, and the kids enjoyed helping others have a little merrier Christmas.
I was so consumed with my own financial worries that Christmas was the last thing on my mind that year. My sitter was sick, and I was on deadline at work, so I had to take the youngest into the office with me, where my company has set up Angel trees in the lobby. My stomach dropped when she asked if we “got to go help the angels” again this year. I didn’t know how I was going to buy anything for my kids, let alone for anyone else. But I had to let her pick out some angels. How could I break our tradition of giving?
At home that night, I was near tears—what had I done? Could I put the angels back? What would I tell the kids? I enjoyed the new peace in my home, but the new babysitting bill was almost $500 a month, and it was just crippling me. Should I have tried harder to keep the family together? Was I being selfish? Could I just suck it up and go back?
As I sat there with my mind racing, my kids came in, and the oldest said, “Mom, I know we don’t have very much money, so how are you going to buy presents for the angels and for us too?” I knew where she was going and I felt a guilty sense of relief as I expected to hear her ask me to put the angels back. Instead, she continued, “We talked about it, and we’d rather go shopping for the angel kids than get our own presents this year.”
These kids, 11, 8, 7, and 4—these angel kids of my very own—made me very proud to be their mom that Friday. Later, after taking to them to make sure they meant what they’d said, we took the $100 I’d saved for them and went shopping for kids we didn’t know. That year, we enjoyed sharing the best gift of all – each other.
My happy ending: A surprise Christmas bonus the next week from the boss gave me enough money to catch up on my bills and buy the kids a few small presents. And not long after that Christmas, I was promoted and got a nice raise at work. I found and married the man of my dreams, (and he’s an awesome step-dad, too), and we just moved into a home we had custom built.
We still shop for angels. I still drive the same old car. And my kids are still surprising me.
My now-9-year-old daughter gave part of her birthday money to a bell-ringer the other night, and it must have sparked a memory, because she asked me if I remembered the year we gave generosity for Christmas.
I do, baby, I do. It was my best Christmas yet!
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